For the Dreaming

 "A dream is a wish your heart makes..."

Can you remember, back in elementary school, when you just stared off in the distance and daydreamed? The walls disappeared, the teacher's voice faded to a faint buzz, you even forgot the little note you were supposed to pass to a classmate. All you could think about was the dream in your mind.

What was it about? An activity at recess? A toy waiting for you at home? A vacation to Disneyland that couldn't come quick enough? A crush?

Do you remember that feeling? That drive? The pull and excitement and trepidation and maybe an edge of anxiety? As you got older, the dreams shifted, becoming deeper and more specific. Lying on your bed at night, unable to sleep because your mind ran the race of dream making. What jobs you'll have. What your house will look like. Who your future spouse would be, and the adventures you two would go on together.

A dream would become reality, and you'd find a new dream to chase. Some dreams would fall by the wayside, either forgotten on the dusty shelf, or left as a painful splinter in your side - a small reminder of things that might have been.

But still, you dream.

Dream of more, dream of greater, dream of the future and what it holds.

But sometimes...sometimes dreams aren't as easy to come up with. Or to fall into.

I've struggled with dreaming up my future. Of getting excited, making wishes, and making plans. For one reason or another, I felt such joys couldn't happen to me. Get married? Ha. Who would want me? Be active in the theatre community? Impossible. I'm not outgoing enough to fit well into that clique. Publish books? Have pets? Go to far away places and see the world?

Never gonna happen.

So I shoved such dreams aside so it wouldn't hurt so much to think of them.

Instead, I dreamed up stories.

Of people fighting through the opposition with snark and flare. Of friends fighting for each other, flirting with boys, and going through adventures together.

I read and read and read, then at night I would dream up more ideas, placing myself in worlds where magical abilities flourished and nothing was impossible.

Except, you know, actual dreams and reality.

Well guess what.

Dreams are happening in reality in my life. Right now.

I'm married to my best friend. I have two dogs and two cats. I've published one book and I'm working on the second, with plans for more. This year, I'm going on a cruise. Next year, we want to go to Japan. I'll be auditioning for a play next week, and my art is being put into a card game. (More on that in a different post)

And it's not easy!!!

Nope. Still hurts. I'm living and accomplishing my castaway dreams, and it hurts. Every day, the hope burns and pulses and writhes inside me like vinegar dripped onto baking soda. Even as I'm rejoicing that good things are happening, I'm terrified that such things will be taken away from me.

*Deep inhale*

*Deep exhale*

But I'm learning. I'm growing. Slowly, I am learning how to dream. Especially about the cruise and the Japan thing. I'm making plans and getting excited.

Slowly.

Because dreams can come true.